Cut the Stigma

Hey there! I know I am starting on a serious subject for my new blog, but I feel like this is something that needs to be talked about more and more these days, not that Depression and Anxiety Disorders are being talked more about;

Self Harm

Now, the very topic of self harm might make you feel very much like this cat right here;

But if you are fed up with self harm being totally misunderstood, like I am, then its time we take a stand and talk about it. I am in no way condoning self harm, or saying you should do it to relieve stress and depression. Oh no, I am simply explaining to those who might not understand the reasons behind self harm and actually want to learn.

Many many MANY people self harm, and for all different reasons. I know several friends who self harm, or have self harmed. Like Depression, you would be surprised at the amount of people it affects. I can't speak for all these people, so I would like to state today, I am speaking for only myself and why I do it. My reasons may be the same as others, or might make you understand more why your friend does it, and I hope it helps people out there feel less ashamed about it.

Because, yes, this is what it comes down too. Self harmers are made to feel ashamed about their habit. And I don't think that is right. We are learning to make women not feel ashamed about their bodies no matter what they look like, people with depression to not feel ashamed about their illness despite not knowing why they are depressed, why should we make people who hurt themselves to feel better feel ashamed? It's not right, stop it. No one has any right to make someone feel bad about themselves just because you do not understand the reasons behind it.

The other day my housemates found out I had self harmed again. One housemate told me off, saying things like "You are not 12, you are nearly 26," "If you can give me a good enough reason as to why you do it, then I won't have a go at you," and the best one,  "I have much worse problems than you and I don't do it so you shouldn't do it,". The other housemate merely said if I don't stop, they are telling my mum, and that I should cover up my scars as they are disgusting. Did this immediately make me want to jump up and go "OH MY GOD, I'M CURED, THANK YOU?" or did it make me feel even more worthless and like a piece of shit? If you guessed the later, ding ding ding, you guessed right. 

I suffer from depression, and as it has often been pointed out to me, I have no 'reason' to be depressed. I have a generally great life. I just have the chemical fault to take things to heart, to get upset easily and to fall into depressive moods easily. I don't do it on purpose. When people tell me to 'Get over it', I really wish I could, honestly. But I can't, and sometimes I just want a relief from everything and that's where self harm comes in. I did it the other day because I felt like I was the worse person in the world and I needed to be punished. So I punished myself, and afterwards, I felt better. To me, self harm is like a release, I need to feel the pain on my skin and to see the blood to make the pain inside of me go away. I started self harming when I was 14 and stopped when I was 19 for 6 years, before starting again this year. Why did I start again? I have no idea, I just did.

When people self harm, they probably already feel bad about themselves for doing it. Some people go out and get super drunk to make themselves better (I turn to drink occasionally, but it just makes me worse most of the time), some people dance or exercise to make themselves feel better, some people self harm. Its destructive, and as I said, I don't condone it, but it makes people feel better for a short while. And if they are doing it, then there is probably already something wrong with them that they are not sharing because they probably feel like you wouldn't understand if they tried to explain.

People who self harm don't need to be told they are stupid, that what they do is disgusting, threatened, told they are attention seeking, told that their life is great and they have no reason to be doing it. They probably already tell themselves this already. People who self harm need someone who will listen to them and understand the reasons they do it, who won't tell them their scars are disgusting, but rather understand they are battle scars from their own internal battles. And most of all, people who self harm need friends who need to learn to think before they open their mouths and try and give an opinion on something they don't understand.

Cut the stigma